Now normally I wouldn’t be bitching about this but honestly, I just needed to get this out of my system because all this week, I’ve been noticing a decline in everything on my channel.
It isn’t just views that are sagging but also comments, likes, everything. Everything is going downhill and I really don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong.
I know I haven’t been doing coverage of the newer games like Fallout 4 and Star Wars: Battlefront. The reason is due to low finances and it’s been happening all year round. It’s at the worst ever and being a channel that wants to make a break and having been trying for 9 years now, it’s hard.
I thought that maybe if I took the safe route, it would be easier but it turns to be a lie. All this year I’ve done some new games but I put my effort toward the older games. Some games include the Ace Attorney games and Shovel Knight. Unfortunately they aren’t giving me much of the interaction I needed. Yet when I see other people do the same thing as I do, they get more interaction and feedback.
I’ve been getting less interaction and feedback almost every day. It’s concerning because I thrive on feedback no matter what it is and all of this is becoming a big issue. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before the light that is my YouTube channel will start to flicker and then fade away.
Guess it means that my YouTube Channel is on the verge of dying. In the nine years that I’ve been on this website, I have experienced many highs and unbelievable lows. Since 2012 when YouTuber Cobanermani456 had shamed and exposed me because of my negative actions, I have garnered a negative reputation. One that it’ll remain with me from now till the day I die. Personally I find it to be wrong since yes, I did fuck up but he had no right to basically shame me because of it. As a result, many people start to see me in a different light… a negative light. While this guy is a full blown YouTube celebrity getting to do things like go to conventions, travel to events, etc. I have become an outcast by the YouTube gaming community. I don’t make that many friends and I mostly spend my time away alone. Fitting… because personally I’m sick of that.
I’ve had this for three years and I feel that everything I’ve experienced is leading up to this. I feel that now it is the point where I’m on my last legs. I have had my fair share of troubles such as a mass disliking troll who has made my life miserable to subscriber burn (from what I heard, it’s all bullshit) to YouTube fucking around with the website to favor bigger channels over smaller ones. It’s now become a near impossibility and it has contributed to a depression that still lingers in me to this day. Unfortunately it is driving me to that point… a point where i don’t want to cross.
So I’ve decided to take the chance and find a job hoping that I can maybe do something more productive with my life. I had an interview and didn’t get it. But that will not stop me. I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to find a job where I can start doing something productive and hopefully start getting away from YouTube because being on the channel and doing video is a hassle. It’s a chore and it’s enough to make me sick. Although I have fun doing videos for everyone, the fact that very few people watch is enough to make my skin crawl. It’s a reason why I’ve been losing subscribers as of late. Maybe because people got bored of me and they want to find someone better. I find it understandable. If they feel my content is not up to their standards, I’m okay with it.
All I do know is that I want things for my channel to get better. I want to grow. I want to get bigger but YouTube just keeps making things tougher. Made worse is that YouTube is a competitive environment where its survival of the fittest. Only the strong survive and those with weak wills are pushed by the wayside. I am one of these weak willed people.
But whatever happens from here is of my choosing. I feel like I want to bury the hatchet with the people I’ve hurt but who knows if they decide to take a chance and talk to me. I doubt it. But only time will tell. If Cobi wants to maybe bury the hatchet, it’s up to him but I only have one simple request… he has to at least man up and apologize for shaming me. Because actions like what happened years ago have consequences and they can be very dire.